The prospect of writing a thank-you letter after a loved one’s funeral can be a daunting task. But, for me, it is a welcomed opportunity to put my thoughts, memories and sincere gratitude down on paper.

I first met Bette Carroll in 1990 when I started taking pleasure in her grandson Marshall’s company. Like so many others, she welcomed me to her Sunday dinner table with open arms. “Pull up a chair,” she said, “and have a seat.” After a blessing was said, the unsweetened iced tea, heaping bowl of mashed potatoes, roast chicken and her famous slightly over-cooked carrots were all passed among the family members. Conversations of the previous week’s escapades ensued and news of upcoming events was shared. Many folks can offer similar versions of the same story describing being welcomed at Bette’s table. But I considered myself one of the lucky ones because I not only got to break bread with her, but I became part of her family. In 1995, Bette spent tireless hours in her kitchen cooking ham after ham for my wedding day. She was the first to offer to help us “feed the town” in celebration. Twenty years later, the town gathered once again but this time, you all prepared food in remembrance of her. This time, there was one less place setting at the table.

When folks approach me and say those few simple words, “I’m sorry for your loss,” I am appreciative and find the courage to reply with a smile and a positive explanation of why we all are so lucky to have had Bette in our lives for as long as we did.

Bette’s son, Emmett, still had his mom when he celebrated his 71st birthday. Her three grandsons, Tim, Marshall and Chris, all had a grandmother well into their 40s. She was there when all three boys married, and with open arms, welcomed their spouses, Genc, Kendra and me into her life. Her four great-grandchildren, Bradley, Brooks, Oona and Emme, all are old enough to have formed memories of her that they will always hold dear. Few can say they really knew their great-grandmother, but my children and their cousins certainly can. I am lucky. They are lucky. We are all lucky.

We are grateful to have had Bette experience the joys that life has to offer with us. Life didn’t have to be about the big things and, it is likely the simple pleasures that will make me reflect most. Happy birthday played on her harmonica for anyone celebrating (she even played it over the phone for those she was not with) was a common occurrence. Watching her tap her foot, sing along and smile whenever music flowed to her ears made you do the same even if you were tone deaf. Sharing stories over cookies and brownies, which always seemed to be bountiful in the tins that sat atop her kitchen counter, was something you made time for when she asked, “Can you sit a spell?” Feeding the birds — cardinals, flickers, catbirds, towhees, chickadees and more — on her porch, something she did daily because her feathered friends depended upon her, was something that made you want to buy a copy of The Sibley Guide to Birds.

A few short days ago a catbird took up residency in my backyard. I’ve never seen one among the beech trees that line the hill of Bartlett Woods. I’m not much for signs, or the after life, but somehow, through this lovely charcoal gray catbird, great-grandma Bette is still with us. I now have a fresh stash of raisins by the back door just like she did at her home nestled in among the salt-sprayed beeches and oaks of Carroll Lane.

On behalf of my husband, children, in laws, and nieces, I give thanks to all of you for supporting us in a time when we needed it most. You cooked food, gathered pictures, sent flowers, jotted notes, sent cards, ran errands, shared memories, told stories, played music, sang songs and more. You stood in the rain at Abel’s Hill with us while we said our final goodbyes and comforted us. Our community truly lives up to that saying, “I’ve got your back.” You gave from the heart with no expectations of receiving anything in return. For this, I can say we are eternally grateful yet I cannot find words strong enough to truly express just how big a difference your support meant to me and my family.

With heartfelt sincerity and true appreciation, on behalf of my family, I thank you for your outpouring of kindness.

Katie Carroll
Chilmark