At the young age of eight, Matthew had grown accustomed to being let down. Trust was an issue, so when Steve Sjogren came into his life, they began slowly, by going down to the beach and throwing rocks into the water.
“The poor little guy was starving for affection from a big brother-type figure,” Mr. Sjogren said in an interview this week. “We were trying to get a schedule going and he said to me, can we get together or not — he was giving me a way out. I signed up for Big Brothers Big Sisters to get a little brother and no matter who he was going to be I had planned to love him. That’s what I told him. It still chokes me up to think about it.”
Today Mr. Sjogren is 59 and Matthew is 13. He’s one of the 40 boys and girls who are part of the Big Brothers Big Sisters organization, a mentoring program that matches adults in the community with children who need a little extra companionship that their home lives cannot provide.
It’s a quiet organization that works behind the scenes to support families and children in need. And there are more requests for matches than can be filled. Currently there are about 10 children waiting to be matched; most are boys.
“It only takes a little bit of your time to get a lot of happiness back,” Mr. Sjogren said. Whether it’s an afternoon fishing on Mr. Sjogren’s boat or grabbing a snack after school at Mocha Mott’s as they did one day this week, he said the rewards are instant. “You get to see the world through a child’s eyes. We have so much more in common than I really thought and it’s so easy just to walk on the beach, throw some stones in the pond . . . it’s really not work, he’s just becoming a part of my life. It’s a real emotional tie.”
Connie Alexander, advisory board chairman for Big Brothers Big Sisters on the Vineyard, said the organization is lacking big brothers.
“Big time,” she said. “Maybe some people think, ‘I’m too old or too young for this.’ But the case manager will work hard to pair a big and a little together who have common interests, maybe common backgrounds. There’s a lot of interviewing that goes on before you meet.”
Children in the program typically start out at age eight or nine, and may come on the recommendation of a health care worker or teacher. Mrs. Alexander said the organization could easily help 100 children in the Island community — and their parents.
“There are wonderful parents that have the responsibilities of paying the bills, washing the clothes, making meals,” said Mrs. Alexander. “They’re busy and this other adult can come in and give the parent some down time as well as introduce the child to a different part of the community that they maybe just don’t see.”
Big sister Ally Reed introduced her little sister Amoy, 14, to jewelry making and this weekend plans to take her a friend’s pottery studio. They’ve been together a year, and Ms. Reed said Amoy is already a part of her extended family.
“I have two grown boys and thought it was time for some girl energy,” she said. “You have to start out slowly . . . but the next thing I knew, I was at her softball games. I played women’s lacrosse and thought, this is awesome, I get to be back in the you-go-girl spirit.”
Amoy moved to the Island a year ago from Jamaica, and Ms. Reed said she was happy to help broaden her Vineyard experience.
“The first time eating take-out on the dock in Menemsha, watching the sun set, I get to do all that again,” she said. “It’s been wonderful.”
Big sister Cristina Pereira, 27, was making gingerbread houses with her little sister, Bella, eight, at Bella’s house in Vineyard Haven this week. Both like to go swimming at the YMCA and take walks in the woods. And neither likes people dressed up as Santa Claus.
“We figured that out at the Big Brothers Big Sisters holiday party,” Ms. Pereira said as Bella erupted in giggles. “It’s hard to find stuff to do in winter, but just spending time together is the most important thing.”
Big brother Michael Adell agreed, and stressed the importance of commitment.
“Companionship, consistency, reliability and trustworthiness are the essential ingredients,” he said.
“There’s very little pressure attached to it, but there is an obligation and anybody who wants to get in needs to understand you’re making an obligation; that is very, very important and it can’t be done haphazardly. Whether the youngster says so or not, they rely on you, and many of these younger people have had some losses in their lives and it’s important they don’t have another loss.”
Age is not a factor in the organization. Mr. Adell is 74. His little brother is nine years old. What makes it work?
“It’s a guy thing,” he said.
To learn more about Big Brothers Big Sisters call Renee Walker at 508-771-5150. The e-mail address is Rwalker@bbbsmb.org.
Comments
Comment policy »