Sunday To-Do List: Call Mom

Just as there are stages of child development, there are stages of development in every child’s appreciation of her mother.

There is the macaroni necklace stage, when children string together, and sometimes even fingerpaint, the master craft that is perhaps the most prized possession their mothers will ever receive. Even if it doesn’t last, something in that dangling, disheveled jewelry confers a status no diamond ever could equal, the recognition around her neck that she’s not just an overworked cook, cleaner and nag, but she is loved.

The stages wind slowly at first, through the potted bulb year and the paper-plate portrait phase, each birthday and Mother’s Day card marked by increasingly legible scrawl offering achingly sweet words like “best mom in the world.”

Then, and it’s always a surprise, comes what might be henceforth known, thanks to Island children’s author Kate Feiffer and her catchy way with self-deprecation, as the My Mom Is Trying to Ruin My Life phase. In Ms. Feiffer’s new storybook of that name, a poor child laments how her mom, though not a bad sort at all, shows her true ruinous agenda by kissing her offspring — no! — in front of her friends, and by worrying, saying no to junk food and talking too loudly. Complaints will be made.

In later stages, these same children, who now sleep until noon and never clean their rooms, pull it together to make breakfast or dinner for Mom, and maybe even wash up afterwards, giving her the precious gift of time off from all the worrying she still does. Maybe they offer a smile or a kiss without attitude, and that’s enough. Maybe they fill up Mom’s iPod with songs they like, letting her listen into their increasingly independent lives. From here, many children grow wise enough to counsel their fathers that vacuum cleaners, sewing machines and irons are not always good ideas for a mother’s day gift.

Of course children eventually leave their mothers, although some find themselves later together again, the child giving more than they ever imagined the woman who gave them life. Some children show they’ve learned to see as their parents lose their sight, some show they’ve learned to love and laugh as mom loses her memory. More than ever, children find themselves looking after their aging parents, and nothing is a better tribute to the parents’ success.

The longest stage, however, typically stretches in between these, when child and mother are adults apart. If a child is lucky enough to have both some money and a mother around, she might take Mom out to eat, or buy her flowers. These gestures, though hardly original, if done right can conjure the whiff of the macaroni necklace stage — but it works best if “best mom in the world” is written in your own handwriting, not the florist’s, so send a note separately if you must.